Now Playing -
"Tanglewood Tree" - Carter & Grammer from the bedroom.
Now Eating -
I give up. There's no way I'll lose 15 lbs. by Friday, so I'll start Saturday.
Now Feeling -
Now Tweeting
- Melanie
Zippy, The Wondrous Work Computer is just the greatest thing since the wheel. Too bad I'm not using him now. Once they install Photo Editor and upgrade us all to Windows 2000, I'll be in work-related heaven. That is, if we stop getting swamped with non-departmental work at the busiest time of the school year....
Of course, the lovely area to the lower left of my mouth that seems to be a hot spot for blemishes lately had to go and erupt again this week, so my high schoolmates will get to see me as broken-out now as I was then.
But maybe there's hope. I went to Harmon's on the way home and bought Neutrogena On-the-Spot Acne Patches, which I expect to miraculously heal me by Friday. And hair coloring, to (as a cow-orker puts it) "make me a natural redhead" again. Harmons has my hair dye for cheaper than I can find it anywhere around here, and good false eyelashes, and all those bins of trial-sized products that are perfect for my theatre case, and I love them for that. G-d forbid they go out of business; I will be lost.
Less than two days 'til the "NHP Casual Reunion," as they've taken to calling it, and 'til my hubby returns home!
Speaking of which, I had the following incredibly frustrating email exchange with Mom:
Mom: what's going on with huz - is this why you don't talk to me? i know you [don't mind] his being 'gone' - but something doesn't seem right! you can tell me if you want to (i know you don't really want to)...
Me: Sorry to disappoint you, but nothing's wrong.
Mom: You're NOT disappointing me! glad nothing wrong with huz and you...just don't understand how he has to stay at his mom's house all day and night!
Me: Header - Be warned, you're probably not going to like my "tone," but...
He's not there "all day" - he's out on the road working like the rest of us are "all day." Why does it make such a difference to you where his toiletries are kept?
It makes sense for him to shlep back and forth between houses? Cats are fed twice a day. What if Bumper doesn't show up for his food while Huz's there, and comes back later in the evening if Huz had left? He should freeze outside all night? [G-d, I sound incredibly Jewish there.]
Huz's supposed to get up in the morning, drive to his mother's, feed the cats, drive back, (easily killing an hour total) and then get in the shower and get to Chaminade [High School, where he teaches] on time?
I don't really understand why this is such a big deal to you. I am not pining away like Camille, and neither is he. I'm not "not eating" because he isn't here to spoon feed me, or because I'm not capable of buying or fixing my own food. I can take out the frickin' garbage, clean up after myself, take in the mail and newspapers, and remember to wake up in the morning. And so can he.
WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU? AND WHY CAN"T YOU JUST LET IT REST?
If you can, provide me with some reasonable explanation as to why you're obsessing about this. I'm genuinely curious. If not, let it drop and obsess about your child in Pennsylvania with the (I assume still) unemployed wife.
I'm almost 35 years old. Do you plan at some point to start treating me like an adult?
Mom: The "tone" you set is from your teen years - my tone is not! I only know how we (dad and me) would feel if we were in same situation - actually i would not let this happen, believe me...! [Yes, Mom, it's a reprehensible tragedy, akin to the Nazi War Crimes.] i do treat you like an adult but you listen as though you're still a defensive child (excuse my own "tone")...honestly mel, if you can live with this, than certainly we can!
xoxoxox - mom
*sigh*
Is it me?
She just doesn't get it. I don't know why she seems to want to manufacture drama when there is none. She "would not let this happen." What would you do first, Ma? Euthanize Huz's mother, or her cats? We'll have been apart for a grand total of eleven days. We speak almost every night, saw each other last weekend, Huz came by work twice, what's the big flippin' deal?
This is not the stuff of which divorces are made, folks.
But as I said here, she and my dad have one of those symbiotic marriages. And I am not cut from the same cloth as my parents.
They are children of Jewish immigrants, raised during the Depression and the War. They are textbook worriers to the nth degree. Huz comes from two pretty damn pragmatic, laissez-faire parents. Same time frame, totally different attitude. And he takes after them. And somewhere in me is that bit of Irish stock that goes off into a corner alone and licks its wounds when hurt.
They married (relatively, in my father's case) young. We married older.
I would think that by now, after seven years together and four years of marriage, that they would be able to tell that we truly love each other, that we have our own way of doing things, that it is not their way and never will be, but it is the way that works for us. It saddens me to feel they have no faith in my ability to make my own decisions. Or to make decisions together with the man I have chosen as my partner in life.
I have fought against this my whole adult life. I went away to school because I knew I could not stay. I deliberately took risks because I did not want to live a life afraid. Or to have them always trying to make things easy for me. My brother accepted it, and it took him a very long time to "grow up." And now that he has, I can't tell you how much he's changed, and how proud I am of him. I know they do it out of love. But you can't live your life afraid. Always looking around the corner, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because you'll miss so much.
There are only two lasting bequests
We can hope to give our children.
One of these is roots,
The other, wings.
~Hodding Carter~Let me fly, Mom.
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a very fine cat indeed - Friday, Jan. 17, 2014
happy new year! - Thursday, Jan. 24, 2013
this is where i am - Saturday, Jun. 30, 2012
this is how it is - Friday, Feb. 24, 2012
a very late last year's wrap-up - Wednesday, Jan. 18, 2012
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