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a chicken and brie wrap.
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"fine," haven't you heard?
Now Tweeting
- Melanie
So you�re going to the gynecologist�s office. After finding out that they moved offices without informing their patients, of course. But you track them down, and make an appointment, and that day the rush hour traffic gods smile upon you, and you get there a whole 10 minutes early, which is a minor miracle considering that you are Fashionably Late for Life. And you drive along looking for 2500 Marcus Blvd., and you see 2200. And then you see 3000, with 2800 hidden sneakily behind it. So you think, �It�s me, right? It must be me and my incredible powers of imperception. I guess I must have driven right by the thing, and won�t I feel silly when I loop around and there it�NO! It�s STILL not there! I�m STILL not crazy!� So you pull into 2800, and you dial the old office number on your cell (because no-one�s given you the new one), and it�s busy. And you�re circling the building because there�s no frickin� parking anywhere, because you�re hoping that maybe you misheard, maybe they misspoke and it�s really 2800, but hanged if you�ll ever be able to park and run in to look at the directory. And you�re dialing and redialing, and it�s busy because who really needs to call their doctor�s office anyway? But lo! the service actually picks up, and you sit through the voice prompts until you actually get someone on the line, but of course it�s in the Bayside office because the recently relocated one is �having trouble with their phones.� Well of course they are, you can�t get phone service in the Twilight Zone, in a building that obviously does not exist! But they finally patch you through, and the receptionist tells you that the building does indeed exist, because although this is decidedly not midtown Manhattan, with the east and west sides divided numerically at Fifth Avenue, 2500 Marcus comes after 3000. So you get there, now 12 minutes late, and thankfully there�s parking, but they�re gutting the building and it�s like a war zone. But you find the office, and check in and the nurse leads you toward your examination room, but stops and says that first she needs a urine sample. You are told to pee in the cup and bring it in to the exam room with you. You get to pee in a Dixie cup and tote said Dixie cup, in full view of those in the waiting room, with you to your exam room, where it sits, uncovered, unlabeled and decidedly unsanitary, mocking you from the counter. The nurse sticks a litmus strip in your pee and tells you to put on the pink paper gown with the opening to the front, and she�ll be back in a jif to weigh you and take your b/p. You strip and weigh yourself, and sit. And sit. And sit. And imagine the mess that your pee would make all over their new floors. Suddenly your doctor comes in, looking more like she�s ready for a luncheon date than a Pap smear, and says, �Hihowareyou?Good?Fine.� And you�re off to the races. She feels your breasts (let�s just say �cursorily� would be an improvement) and tells you to scoot down and you scoot and then she pages the nurse. Because the light doesn�t work. Brand new office, light don�t work. And you joke that she should just open the blinds, you don�t mind, and she jokes that maybe she should just wear a mining hat, wouldn�t that make a good impression, and Mr. Speculum makes his presence known, and you wonder how she is seeing what she says �looks just fine� because the light still doesn�t work. And the nurse takes your b/p as an afterthought, and the doc pronounces you �fine,� and writes your script and is on her merry way. And you and the nurse jockey for space while you gather your clothes and she opens the door not caring that you�re stark naked. And you take the script and get the hell out and you can�t even smile at the cute little kid in the waiting room because all you can think is �I pay over $300 a month for this?�
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a very fine cat indeed - Friday, Jan. 17, 2014
happy new year! - Thursday, Jan. 24, 2013
this is where i am - Saturday, Jun. 30, 2012
this is how it is - Friday, Feb. 24, 2012
a very late last year's wrap-up - Wednesday, Jan. 18, 2012
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