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Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011

Now Playing -
Now Eating -
Now Feeling -
Now Tweeting - Melanie

"What brings you to your mat today?"
"Set an intention for your practice."
"Think of someone to whom you can dedicate your practice today."

I think of friends, I think of family. I ask for clarity for myself. Oftentimes I choose simple basic things...focus, breath, strength. Letting go.

I am physically here because I need something more than whirring around like a hamster on the elliptical. Not that it doesn't work for me - I'm past the stage where going to the gym feels like drudgery. I'm goal-focused that way. I like being able to check "Work out" off my mental to-do list for the day. But I know that because I don't have a trainer that I'm missing things in my workout. You can only train yourself so much. And I work better under supervision. I found that eleven years ago when I started taking voice lessons with Joy. I described it as "being ready to be a student again."

And I am mentally here because I can walk into the studio and the outside world is gone. It's just me and the mat and sweat and shaking muscles and sometimes tears. Yes, I've become one of those people - someone who gets emotional in yoga class. I figure if I'm crying everywhere else in my life, why not here?

I have been trying. Both the verb and the adjective.

Trying -verb to fix what's wrong with me, to sweat it out, to jailbreak myself from this...darkness, sadness, torpor that winds me down, down, down. Maybe in mastering my body I can master my mind.

Trying -adj. the patience and understanding of those I love. It's not their job to fix me. I have to do that myself.

And that's what brings me to the mat.

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a very fine cat indeed - Friday, Jan. 17, 2014
happy new year! - Thursday, Jan. 24, 2013
this is where i am - Saturday, Jun. 30, 2012
this is how it is - Friday, Feb. 24, 2012
a very late last year's wrap-up - Wednesday, Jan. 18, 2012

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